Self Seeking

because what you have to ask yourself is,

if i could really do this,

would i really be doing this?

Waiting

no matter how long

it's been

i continue to long

Lost

I tried to find God

But it turns out

He knows where He is.

In The Doorway

Why are you smiling at me?

You're always smiling at me

How did she do that?

And just like that

She left

A Vanishing Act

In two parts

Poultry

I ordered a baby roast chicken,

They brought me a burnt egg.

Skype

12,528,890 people online

but not the one i want to see

4am

How lonely can you sleep
Beside another person
So lonely you can’t bear
To feel that other person

Clubbing

No matter the beat

My heart is too heavy for my feet

Goato

Goato was stuck on the roof. Sometimes he'd be on the left slope, sometimes he'd be on the right slope. Sometimes he'd stare at the sky, sometimes he'd glare at the floor. But he was always stuck on the roof. 

No one quite remembered how Goato got stuck on the roof. Some said he climbed a ladder and the wind blew it away. Others said he floated there on a balloon. Still others said he jumped. But what everyone agreed on was that he was stuck.

One day a new kid walked into town. He had that look of the strangely familiar, a swagger that hadn't been seen, and little horns that glinted in the noon like a star in the desert. 

What's that goat doing on that roof, he asked Sammo the barkeep. 

That's Goato, said Sammo, he stuck.

Stuck?

Yep, he be stuck for some fo' year now.

Hey, Goato, the kid shouted, Why you stuck on that roof?

Goato blinked and turned around so he was facing the ground.

What? said Goato

He said, why you be stuck on that roof, said Sammo.

I- I- I don't know, mumbled Goato.

And the thing was, he didn't know. You see he'd gone up to that roof all in a huff. In a huff because someone had said something, something so huffable that Goato got all the way up on the roof just to prove his point. And once he was up there he felt even more huffy, that he decided to stay the whole night, just to teach whoever it was a lesson. And after he'd taught him a lesson, one of his friends walked past and saw him on the roof and said, hey Goato, what you doing on that roof? So he got huffy with that friend and decided to teach him a lesson too. And as time went on, and more and more of his friends laughed at him, he got huffier and huffier with so many of his friends, that he forgot who he was originally huffy with, so he decided to stay where he was, one great big huff, until one of them apologised.

That don't sound like a good reason to be on a roof now does it? Said the kid.

 Well, no, said Goato, no, it doesn't.

Maybe I fetch you a ladder? Said the kid.

No, said Goato, I could probably jump.

And he could, and he did, and once he was on the ground he trotted round in a couple of circles and remembered he actually quite liked it on the ground.

Hey, said the kid, I know it's been a while, but I'm sorry for telling you you couldn't jump on that roof. I was just a kid.

And suddenly Goato remembered exactly why he had got on that roof.

- for dogby and his mother -

Bankers

I put my phone on the desk and he asks, is that a blackberry? I look at it. It looks like a blackberry. It has blackberry written on it. It is a blackberry. Yes, I tell him, it is a blackberry. I've got a Nokia, he says. Ok, I say. I was thinking of getting a blackberry, he says. Can we just get on with this? I think. I'm not sure, he says. Outside they're shooting a music video and the band stand round in haircuts, smoking. It shouldn't be much longer, he says. I drink some of the watery brown liquid the machine squirted out as I waited. Is it good at emails, he asks. It's fine, I say. The system says it was the 23rd, he says. Great, I tell him and pull on my coat and leave. The system; you're nothing but a number, and sooner or later your number's gonna be up. As I'm walking down the street, whatever his name was comes running out the door holding my blackberry. You forgot your blackberry, he says, all out of breath and panting. I notice his badge, Chris it says. Thanks man, I tell him and walk away. Everyone's part of the system, just playing a different game.

The Move

The first night she comes to stay she brings a handbag. A small handbag. Barely bigger than a purse. And yet somehow, the next morning, she has enough for a full costume change plus makeup.

The second visit warrants an overnight bag. This time she knows she’s coming. Not a rucksack, let’s not go too far here. Just something that’s an armful, filled with small lacey things that to the uninitiated are indecipherable, perfumes and squirty things, lotions, creams, cotton pads, puffs and balls all layered upon each other. Whatever is necessary to be seen in daylight.

Next she arrives with luggage. Your heart sinks. In come the dresses, skirts, trousers and tops. Out goes your wardrobe space. Fold your jumpers, she says. Why are your t-shirts on hangers? She asks. You do as you’re told, rolling your socks, containing and compacting your meagre belongings.

And still she continues to buy. Shoes, shoes, a world full of shoes. Cupboards spill and overfill with them. You lose track of dresses. That’s my favourite dress, you say. It’s new, she huffs. Suddenly you find a whole drawer dedicated to towels. Another dedicated to linen. Your sock drawer merges with the pants. Wash cycles become twice weekly.

Before long you are reduced to a rack. Room for two shirts and a suit. The rest of your clothes dumped in the corner. You wear the same thing on a three day rotation. After all, who are you trying to impress?

True

Where's Wally makes Spot the Dog look like child's play.

Course

I don't feel so good

I had fish for dinner 

It disagreed with me 

I was hungry... 

And it wanted to live

In the end we compromised

I had sushi.

Work Less Pay More

I'm tired of all these engineering works and improvement works ruining my weekend. Each week I buy my ticket at full whack and face penalty fares if I go out of zone. There's no excuse to travel without a valid ticket, and yet there appears to be every excuse to run a shitty service. Why does this not work the other way around? If my train is cancelled, where's my refund? I think I'm going to start running a new announcement. Ladies and gentlemen, as part of the vanderput financial improvement program, fare evasion will take place on the following lines...