Under Sized

I went shopping today. Regular leisure shopping, like normal people do. This is a very rare thing for me. Usually I go shopping for things like 77 envelopes, or glue that's only sticky on one side, but today I started off with some record shopping... until I quickly realised I'm so out of touch that I was browsing by the shinyness of the packaging. Next I ritually humilated myself in the search for new clothes. Now I don't mind admitting I'm slightly on the small size, I take a 34" chest and I'm proud to be conserving the raw materials. But shops seem to take great pleasure in reminding me of my vertical deficiencies. Whenever I go into Gap for example I have to ask for Extra Small. Not Small, not Regularly Small, but Extra Small! They might as well call it Elf Wear. But let me tell you, despite their blatant size-related dissing, I am thankful for the Gap! Most shops don't sell anything smaller than a medium. How does that work? In Ted Baker apparently I'm a 2! What's a 2? To make matters worse they don't stock anything smaller than a 5! I'm 3 sizes too small for stockage! That made me feel just great. But then on the way home I did one of the greatest side-steps in history. It was a thing of beauty. A woman halted right in front of me, and without any change in speed or fluency I crossed my right foot over the left, swung my body round her and shot past. It was so good that, and I'm not kidding here, a girl who saw it actually gasped! Yeah baby, felt like a ninja.