Checked Out

They’ve changed my flight gate again. I went to 21, it changed to 19, I went to 19, it changed to 21. So I'm hedging my bets at gate 20. I checked in online this time, it took me 34 seconds and it's great- until I get to the airport. Everyone in front of me has these lovely plastic perforated boarding passes, but not me, oh no, I'm sat there with a folded sheet of cheap A4, decorated with so many fonts of various colours it looks like a bad church newsletter. They call my flight and I get in line, stewards slicing people off one by one with a tear of the ticket and a 'thank you Sir, enjoy the trip'. I get to the front and present my self-printed no-perf smudgy barcode of a boarding card and they unfold it like used toilet paper. They look from me to the ticket to me to the ticket again and call a supervisor. She whispers something quietly and they all look at me. After a pause they swing open like turnstiles, 'move along please.' Next time I'll walk.