Meet me here

My lady awaits, but where? Perhaps on a online dating site? I'm there! Hey, everyone's desperate these days, and compared to those women publishing their availability for all the world to see, I look positively laid back. So I'm clicking around, winking, and sending nudges, but there's a problem. These sites reduce love to consumerism, I become as picky and fussy as if I was looking for a new coat. Reject reject reject, one detail out of place and the possible future Mrs vanderPut is out of the picture. None of these women ever quite exactly match my impossible criteria; she's too tall for me, I'm too small for she. And if, somehow, one woman does manage to slip through the net of exclusion, and by some chance measures up, or, more precisely, down, all it takes is one stupid comment for me to lose all interest; such as anyone who says they 'enjoy the finer things in life'. Who doesn't? Is there someone out there with a passion for drudgery, looking for a fellow masochist to indulge their displeasure together? After five days of partner shopping and email swapping I give up. This is no way to meet someone.