Gathering Thoughts

I walk home, the littlest jobo, my thoughts my only companions -so I'm pretty lonely. No money, no honey, I sing the Lexus blues. On the corner of Devonshire road I pass a woman I passed last night, at the same time, at the same place. That's two nights running. Does this mean something? She is mid fifties, dangerously overweight, and leans her head back as she walks to counterbalance. A phantastical delusion of these late night times. Who cares what people think when they think so little? The moon is incadescent tonight and floats in an ocean sea of inky blue darkness, a few whispering clouds stroking their feathers over the midnight navy of the panorama. A shuffling beat accompanies my footsteps padding through the night, I am a part of the ipod generations, sharing in the cubiclism of modern day solitude: trains, tubes, buses, whatever the transportation we sit in our glass worlds, our land of music for one, ignoring the ignorance. 'I miss you,' he said. 'How much?' she asked. He squeezed his index finger and thumb together, blocking the light between them. 'This much... Times a billion.' For a while I thought the only thing worse than the pain was the day that it stopped. Stupidity is not the word. I am nearly 25, I have nine more years before I reach the age my father was when I was born, the full circle. Incidentally, what perfume are you wearing?' 'Givenchy, why?' 'Just checking, because I never want to smell it again.' Once I am inside the house I consider unlocking the back door and walking around in my garden barefoot for a while. I don't know why, something about the cold grass under my feet, I think it would be good for me. Good for my soles... Sorry, I apologise, that was terrible, I want to take that back. Shit, that was terrible. In the pause that filled the silence he turned to her, 'I want to marry and impregnate you.' My parents have started admiring my haircut, twice a week they complement me on it. Unnerving is not the word. She looked at him and smiled a sad sort of smile, the smile of finality at the end of the rainbow, a smile that said more deafeningly than words ever could: Goodbye, Goodnight, God bless. Whatever doesn't kill you, they say, can only make you stronger. Unless of course it kills you. Switch my phone to silent, it'll all come out in the wash.