A Study in Deep Blue

Out of nowhere it hits me, a tiredness, a compelling tiredness, that starts at the back of my knees. I need to sit down. I walk past the mirror and when I look in the mirror I ask, is this a face in danger of salvation; is salvation possible for this kind of face? I hail a cab and take a ride and as we pull in, a fight is taking place. Do you know who I am? he bellows, a question I’ve always thought was answered in the asking. But maybe this is a search for identity, a huge misunderstanding, and it is this unknowledge of himself that fuels the rage inside. I leave the peacocks behind me, strutting and shoving, and flip the door. I only have a few rules, Japanese food on a Sunday, I like to feel clean at least once a week. I watch my miso soup bloom, the ever expanding nuclear clouds flowering, and I think, what does it mean that this is the most beautiful thing to happen to me all day? After I've eaten I hit a Starbucks, where peace and quiet is packaged alongside the imported coffee. A boy walks past, his feet slapping like a penguin. He stops to look at me, his eyebrows set in eternal concern, mouth twisted in a mournful smile. I find a coin in my pocket and produce it from his ear. He says nothing and walks off. It's amazing the indifference you can make.