This Function

"Writers are extremely ruthless. They don't go crazy the way other people go crazy. They might be behaving badly, but they're also observing, observing, observing." -- David Denby

A good writer has an individual voice they say. In other words focus on your dysfunctions, on how you don't fit in, on why you're different. That's what people tend to find interesting. Ha ha look at him, they say, look what he did, look how stupid or crazy or romantic he is. So I'm trapped in a world where the more dysfunctional I am, the more creative I become, the more the world laughs and encourages me. More and more I find myself sitting in a cafe making notes on some anonymous stranger that caught my eye, then taking notes on why I make notes. I catch myself aimlessly plodding around the west end, with no purpose other than to maybe find a good sandwich. I mimic the people I pass, copying facial expressions, body language, posture, repeating any quirky small phrases they come out with and writing everything down. I observe myself as I blow the chances of yet another relationship by being too intense, too distant, too funny, too serious, too outgoing, too introspective. And you know? I don't know whether it's worth it. Wouldn't it just be nicer to go out and not worry about all this; to not always be on the observe at the expense of others? Probably. But then you wouldn't be reading this would you? So please, if not for me, for all the others, laugh it up.