Spectres

Here's a little advice for those train travellers amongst us. If the ticket inspectors come calling and you are found wanting, just say "I'm sorry to announce the John of van der Put has been unable to purchase a ticket. This is due to a shortage of available funds. I'm sorry for the inconvenience this may cause to your turnover. Please listen for further announcements." Whatever their reply, continue to stare blankly. Once they begin threatening bodily harm start repeating the above statement over and over until they implode.