Another 48 hours

Has anyone heard when they are releasing Innocence? It's the sequel to Ghost in the Shell, and still directed by Oshii. I saw they premiered it at Cannes this year, and it's been out in the US already, the DVD is released there on the 28th of December. So why not here? I'm not sure if it's going to be any good actually, it looks amazing though, you can see a trailer here. And the reviews have been pretty good. I can never remember how the first Ghost in the Shell ends though, I watch it and rewatch it, and within a week I've always forgotten.

Actually all this talk is just to distract me. I was woken up with a phone call this morning saying that a friend of mine passed away in the night. Passed away... We've got such terrible terminology for someone's death, I guess because the whole thing is so unbelievable. I'm still in that numb phase of disbelief, or maybe unbelief, where I just don't believe he is no longer around. It seems so absurd and so nonsensical that I won't see him around on a Monday night, and he'll no longer be putting me down over dinner. When I was told he'd died I had no reaction. Absolutely nothing. I considered what I'd have for breakfast, thought about checking my emails and started fixing a computer. I had a shower, got dressed, went to school and had some lunch. Still nothing. I spoke to a couple of people about it, friends who knew him, friends who didn't. A slight pulse of pain, but nothing more. Now, later, I feel surrounded by a great blanket of sadness, swelling and slipping around me. If I sit still long enough it flows gently around my ankles and starts to float up, but then I think about something else. Life is just a made up place.

The tube arrives at the wrong station until it dawns on me I've gone east instead of west. My head is all over the place. I turn my walkman up so it deafens me, and thrashing guitars elate me with their rage. On the Jubilee line a 5 year old boy shakes a Pringles tin in my face as he collects money for his accordian-playing brother. He looks tired, dirty, shabby and shit scared. He has the saddest eyes I've ever seen outside a news report. On the walk from the station I burst into a full sprint, running as fast as I can to get the anger out. When I finally collapse, clutching for breath, tears are running down my face, but I realise they are only caused by the cold. I'll miss you Pete.