Are you kidding me?

'and I must be an acrobat
to talk this and act like that' -- U2

Hypocrisy is one of the many afflictions I always expected to avoid. It's so easy to spot in others, so therefore in yourself, the soul you spend most time with, it should stick out like a sore thumb. But then I've never really noticed a visible difference in thumbs of varying tenderness, so perhaps it should come as no suprise that I only realise once it is too late. It is a little like the assumption I always carried of my own innate goodness, I found it quite a shock when, on occasion, I turned out to be a little morally unsound. And sure, these darker times, these spiralling twists of dislocated actions, have always been quite deeply disturbing, but there is also an element that is so surreal as to render the whole thing oddly unaffecting. It's strange what the mind can and cannot cope with, and many are the moments of shutdown, reboot and restart; control, alt and delete. All you can do is wear your heart long-sleeved and admit the times of mass miss taking. And I hope I do this, so if there are those out there bearing me a grudge of interminable bitterness- I'm sorry, I didn't mean it/wasn't thinking/am stupid... give me a call, we'll go for cake.