Poolside Draw

The first time I jumped in the pool I nearly drowned, coughing and spluttering like a ten year old on a shisha pipe. The only stroke I could pull off was medical. My eyes turned to blood oranges, water went up my nose and in my ears, making everything sound like soup. I swam for all my life and managed only two feet. Vertically. Not good. But I’m not a man to be put off easily. Especially by something petty like physical pain and weakness. I used to wear goggles as a kid, I remembered, so I go and buy a pair and this time, when I jump in the pool (the deep end naturally), it turns out I'm a waterbaby. I snorkle to the bottom and resurface, I do laps, front crawl, back stroke, butterfly, breaststroke, I even invent a new one, the feet of front crawl, the arms of breaststroke; I call it freshcroak. I love it down here beneath the surface, and when I surface and see the bikini clad women surrounding the pool, I love it anew. I’m like a dog on a bike, swimming back and forth showing off my new found prowess. Until water gets in my goggles and I sink like a stone and have to be pulled out by the lifeguard.